Shoes? Who would have thought that shoes would be the item that was going to be the death of me. For those mothers or fathers of a 4 year old, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

The past few weeks the issue in the morning with my vibrant and very independent 4 year old daughter has been her clothes. She is very particular about what she is going to wear each day. And anything that I suggest, is absolutely denied with every passionate cell in her body. So this morning I was so pleasantly surprised to see that she came down with her Rainbow Bright Punky Brewster mix and match outfit on, before we were actually heading out the door. Finally success! She figured out what to wear with little to know melt down; or so I thought. 

 She ate her breakfast and I was even able to brush her hair. Wow! It was time to go so I reminded my two girls to get there shoes on. I stepped outside to start putting things in the car and get the car started. When I came back into the house I saw my strong minded 4 year old sitting on the stairs just looking at me. I told her to get her shoes on and it all began like the shout of a producer in a high profile movie set "AND ACTION!" I will spare you all the details though the ride to school was not my most favorite. When we got to school there was even an old western stand down with the shoes on the sidewalk between the two of us as we both stood on each side just as stubborn as the other. By the time I got to the room to drop her off I stood in the doorway looking at the two morning teachers and mouthed the word "HELP" about four times. My saving graces came to the rescue, TEACHERS. This little future academy award winner, had lost her sticker for the day, still had no shoes on and now was kicking and screaming as I walked away. I jumped in the car and drove straight to get an extra large coffee! By the time I arrived at work I had this text on my phone from the teacher "Shoes r on we talked about the fit throwing. And what she should say to u when u pick her up. Have a nice day!!" 

When I review my day today and ask the question "Where did I see God today?" I know exactly where he was. In those teachers that are part of my team in helping raise my children to be good people and loving members of society. I will be sure to take some deep breaths and find my happy place before I pick her up today. :)

Humor in the crazy

So, when is it time to get back out in the dating world after divorce? How do you know if you are ready? How do you even meet people?

Well these were some of the questions I was asking myself and I had this overwhelming feeling that if I didn’t try talking to a guy soon that I might never talk to men ever again. Like my window of courage opened just enough for me to squeeze out though it was closing ever so slightly each day I didn’t seize the moment that light was shining through. So I courageously asked a friend what she did after her divorce. I really don’t have any idea how she talked me into it but within two days I was trying online dating. The whole online thing really freaked me out more than the idea of dating again. But I was willing to really force myself out of my comfort zone.

Within two weeks I had my first date with a great guy I enjoyed hanging out with. And over the next few months, although our relationship was 90% texting, we were able to go out a few more times, which I really enjoyed. By the three month mark he informed me (via text) that he felt I still had some healing to do. That was the last I heard from him. Now I’m not going to lie this really hurt me, mainly because I didn’t understand why “my still needing to heal” meant that he couldn’t be in my life anymore. Although it took me a few weeks to get over it I knew in my heart that he had been in my life for a reason. I now knew that I did want to be in a relationship again. He opened my eyes and heart up again to the possibility of a new healthy relationship in my future; which I had given up on, going through my divorce.

Well maybe it hurt a little more than I thought. So we girls can get a little crazy sometimes and I am no exception. I cannot believe I am actually going to admit to this though I think it is health to acknowledge when we have slipped into crazy for a moment. It was my birthday only about two weeks after he kicked me to the curb and I was feeling a little lonely that day but also very energized because I had gone skiing. There I was all alone, I had 20 mins before I had to pick up my children, twenty entire minutes to do whatever I wanted to do. The house was quiet and it was just me and my cell phone. I picked it up, looking at it I thought how much I would really like to share what a great day I had with someone who might care. Yet I could not think of anyone to send the message to accept for this guy. Whom had not talked to me since the text he sent that broke up with me. I thought “What if I pretend that I accidently sent him a response text that was meant for someone else.” Side bar: I think we all know in our logical mind that in today’s technology world it is nearly impossible to miss-send a response text to someone you have not texted in over two weeks. But my logical rational brain was out of order because my heart brain had knocked it out with my Samsung. So I slowly typed “Thank you! We had a blast ended up skiing for 3hrs.” I looked down at the text, my rational mind was coming to. I had an overwhelming sense screaming inside “DON’T DO IT! YOU ARE JUST HAVING A MOMENT OF LONINESS!! WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T SEND IT!” “CLICK” all rational thoughts knocked out again. My thumb pushed send. Then super crazy girl inner dialog occurred “OMG I can’t believe I actually sent it. Okay. Okay. Get a grib now just send another message like I just realized that I mis-sent the text. “Crap! Sorry wrong person.” I pushed send again. As soon as the second text was sent it was like I just had an out of body experience and I was slowly entered back in. I could not believe what I just did. I could see him receiving the text messages and thinking “Oh this poor girl is trying to make it look like she mis-sent me texts so I will text her back. Bless her heart.” Delete.

Although I will be the first to say this was a pretty crazy thing to do I am not ashamed of it, I find it kind of funny. I like to find the humor in our crazy moments. Since most of the time I am very logical and rational in my thoughts and actions. I find it even more humorous that I let it go as far as I did. I’m sure I am not the first person to do something so silly. If this was the craziest thing I did getting back into the dating world after a heartbreaking divorce I think it is safe to say I’m healing pretty well. Though, within an hour of sending my “crazy girl text” I deleted all his contact information from my phone just to play it safe.

Things that make you go hmmmmm....

I had this crazy dream the other night. In my dream I was inside of “my house” that looks nothing how my house or any house I’ve ever lived in, though in my dream it was "my house." You know how dreams work. So I was in my house and I heard a bunch of noise outside. I went into my front/back yard only to find my neighbor spraying the water hose into a tree. I looked up into the tree and saw the most gigantic bird I’ve ever seen that could actually fly. It looked just like that bird from the movie “UP”. (Accept it could talk too.) It flew out of the tree and down to the ground. It was in obvious pain. Once I had a closer look I realized it was in labor. Within seconds the large bird gave birth to a large baby bird, picked up the baby bird and began to fly away.

“Wait” I shouted to the bird “What is your name?”

The bird stopped, turned to look at me and replied “You don’t want to know.”

“Why?” I replied

The mother bird looked me right in the eye and said “I’m Mistake and this is Miracle, pointing to the baby” then flew away.

Kryptonite

So I put myself on restriction from shopping at Target. I’m not allowed to go there for 3 weeks. That store is freakin’ kryptonite to me. I walk in telling myself “diapers, coffee filters, and then straight to the cash register – That’s it!”

So I went on Friday for exactly that diapers and coffee filters. I walk in and the SALE on winter items caught my eye. My 3yr old has been asking for pink gloves. “Let me just see if they even have pink gloves.” Of course they do the marketing department and buyers for this franchise really know who their “Target” consumer group is – I have a bulls eye painted directly in the middle of my forehead. $4 pink gloves must have, in the basket.

“Diapers, diapers, just get to the diapers.”

“Ooooh 50% off belts!” I never have enough belts and spending $15-$20 on one is not justifiable, but $6.95, who can beat that. “Let me just see if they have a belt I even like.” What the h*!! am I talking about, for 50% off I will find one I like. Belt in the basket.

Finally I got the diapers. I didn’t know if I could make it all the way across the store to the coffee filters without ending up with a full basket. The kryptonite was in FULL effect. I ended up walking out with gloves, a belt, $5 DVD, raisin bread, small storage drawers, bread box (I had been looking for one for 6 months), coffee filters and diapers.

Well I must say I’m very proud that I at least remembered the two items I was going for. I hate those times when I end up with a bunch of items that I didn’t go for, get home and realize I forgot the actual items I initially went for. So YAY ME! I remembered the diapers and coffee filters, yet I realized the problem I might have so I am on restriction from Target.

I’ll just have to get diapers from COSTCO! Oh crap that might be worst, I may just have to purchase them online for the next three weeks.

Just Friends

So my husband that I “unmarried” use to tell me that I lived in a Mary Poppins world. (Again I have issues with the ex-spouse word like the “d” word. Read my first post for clarification.) Which, I am now beginning to wonder if he was right that I live in this wonderland or if I just like to highlight the good in the world instead of focusing on the bad? And yes I like to have morals and values and I like to live by them. It makes the meaning of life more meaningful!

In my Mary Poppins world men and women can be “just friends”. (Disclaimer - The conntent in this post is referring only to men and women relationships I cannot speak on same sex relationships, though I’m sure it can be just as complicated.) I never thought this was really such a big deal or even a question if it really was possible. I have a lot of guy friends from highschool and college that are "just friends." Of course you can be “just friends” if you really want. Well, I thought this until recently when I was trying to be “just friends” with this guy and he just wouldn’t take “just friends” for an answer. Like it was a code I was using for "please keep hitting on." News Flash - I REALLY ONLY WANTED TO BE FRIENDS.

So now I’m beginning to wonder if there is an age where this becomes impossible; let’s say once you hit 30 there is no longer an option to make friends with the opposite sex. From 30 forward there are only two reasons that most people want to meet others; marriage or a fling. I’m just the only one who want to meet people, I know this is crazy, but I want to meet people . . . wait here it is . . . to meet people. I think we have a lot to learn from each other. We are social beings, right?

What is up with this? What has happened to our world? My poor Mary Poppins world has turned into “The Bachelor/The Bachelorette” WHAT THE H.E.-double hockey sticks!!!  I hate that now that I am just past 30 I can no longer make new male “just friends”.

To have Cable or Not to have Cable? That is the question.

So when it comes to budget I have priorities like food on the table and getting my older daughter a new pink dress once in a while that takes priority over things like a home phone and cable TV. I haven’t always been so practical. Lol In college I would eat TopRamen or eat at friend’s houses, thank you Alexandra, so that I would have enough money to get my nails done. Priorities? We all have ours. My nails were always lookin good, I got a lot of compliments on them back then. Deep breath, "Awe the good old days", I haven’t had nails since I entered the “real world” post graduation.

Like I said I have other priorites over cable. I think I am one of the ten people in ALL of Orange County that do NOT have cable TV. We have Antenna TV, oh yes it still exist. I actually find a lot of humor in it. We get channel 5, and 7 on good days. NO channels on winding days. It's pretty funny to hear my 3 year old tell me we need a new TV because it's broken (those are the windy days.) Anyone who wants to work on patience, Antenna TV is the answer. Or those of us who miss Father Knows Best, The Monkey's, Three's Company or old Shirley Temple movies.

So not only do we NOT have cable we do not have one of those new flat screens with the built in digital analog converter. I still feel like I'm doing pretty good though; I don't have to turn a knob with pliers to change the channel (from 5 to 7) and I have been able to avoid the dreaded foil attachment for reception; though I have to share my little secret that has kept the dreaded foil creatures away.

Closer look......

Yes it is one of my daughter's princess crowns, though it helps with the reception. Or at least that is the story I'm sticking to. Better than the alternative..... right?

The thought was that without cable it will get us to do more activities like taking walks, coloring, play dough, bubbles, dance parties, etc. And it has. It has also caused multiple repeat viewings of children's videos. Sanity? I actually get more worried when I catch myself sitting down watching the movies with them, and enjoying it. This was also another good reason to start a blog.  So back to the question To have Cable or NOT to have Cable? ANSWER:NO CABLE (for now). Internet on the other hand OF COURSE, that is not even a question!!!

Signing In

My friend Paula has be trying to get me to start a blog and so I finally am giving in and I'm going to give it a go. My life can be crazy and quite interesting at time so why not write about it. I'm sure there are others out there that are dealing with very similar situations. If not then my stories should be quit entertaining.

Un-married, full time working, single mother of two little girls. Okay so I have a little issue with the word "divorce" it is like a cus word to my ears. This is my own personal issue that I have with this word. Maybe because it has been engrained in my head that only negative things are associated with it. Somewhere growing up I connected it to "giving up" or probably the worst "FAILURE". Yet I've learned that this is NOT always true; I could say that I am the 'd' word though I just can't bring myself to, because of all these horrible things my mind associates it with so I just like to say I am un-married.

My story is an interesting one, though might be too much to start the blog off with, we will discuss it another time. So I am un-married, full time working, single mother of two beautiful little girls (3 and 1.) My hands are full and there are never enough hours in the day, but I must say when it comes down to it I really LOVE life! In the past few years I've learned a lot about it, myself and others and continue to as I walk forward on my journey. Don't get me wrong I have my "stressed out I'm one step away from being committed" moments, though we all do. And I honestly think we are allowed those moments, as long as we don't get stuck in them.