Humor in the crazy

So, when is it time to get back out in the dating world after divorce? How do you know if you are ready? How do you even meet people?

Well these were some of the questions I was asking myself and I had this overwhelming feeling that if I didn’t try talking to a guy soon that I might never talk to men ever again. Like my window of courage opened just enough for me to squeeze out though it was closing ever so slightly each day I didn’t seize the moment that light was shining through. So I courageously asked a friend what she did after her divorce. I really don’t have any idea how she talked me into it but within two days I was trying online dating. The whole online thing really freaked me out more than the idea of dating again. But I was willing to really force myself out of my comfort zone.

Within two weeks I had my first date with a great guy I enjoyed hanging out with. And over the next few months, although our relationship was 90% texting, we were able to go out a few more times, which I really enjoyed. By the three month mark he informed me (via text) that he felt I still had some healing to do. That was the last I heard from him. Now I’m not going to lie this really hurt me, mainly because I didn’t understand why “my still needing to heal” meant that he couldn’t be in my life anymore. Although it took me a few weeks to get over it I knew in my heart that he had been in my life for a reason. I now knew that I did want to be in a relationship again. He opened my eyes and heart up again to the possibility of a new healthy relationship in my future; which I had given up on, going through my divorce.

Well maybe it hurt a little more than I thought. So we girls can get a little crazy sometimes and I am no exception. I cannot believe I am actually going to admit to this though I think it is health to acknowledge when we have slipped into crazy for a moment. It was my birthday only about two weeks after he kicked me to the curb and I was feeling a little lonely that day but also very energized because I had gone skiing. There I was all alone, I had 20 mins before I had to pick up my children, twenty entire minutes to do whatever I wanted to do. The house was quiet and it was just me and my cell phone. I picked it up, looking at it I thought how much I would really like to share what a great day I had with someone who might care. Yet I could not think of anyone to send the message to accept for this guy. Whom had not talked to me since the text he sent that broke up with me. I thought “What if I pretend that I accidently sent him a response text that was meant for someone else.” Side bar: I think we all know in our logical mind that in today’s technology world it is nearly impossible to miss-send a response text to someone you have not texted in over two weeks. But my logical rational brain was out of order because my heart brain had knocked it out with my Samsung. So I slowly typed “Thank you! We had a blast ended up skiing for 3hrs.” I looked down at the text, my rational mind was coming to. I had an overwhelming sense screaming inside “DON’T DO IT! YOU ARE JUST HAVING A MOMENT OF LONINESS!! WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T SEND IT!” “CLICK” all rational thoughts knocked out again. My thumb pushed send. Then super crazy girl inner dialog occurred “OMG I can’t believe I actually sent it. Okay. Okay. Get a grib now just send another message like I just realized that I mis-sent the text. “Crap! Sorry wrong person.” I pushed send again. As soon as the second text was sent it was like I just had an out of body experience and I was slowly entered back in. I could not believe what I just did. I could see him receiving the text messages and thinking “Oh this poor girl is trying to make it look like she mis-sent me texts so I will text her back. Bless her heart.” Delete.

Although I will be the first to say this was a pretty crazy thing to do I am not ashamed of it, I find it kind of funny. I like to find the humor in our crazy moments. Since most of the time I am very logical and rational in my thoughts and actions. I find it even more humorous that I let it go as far as I did. I’m sure I am not the first person to do something so silly. If this was the craziest thing I did getting back into the dating world after a heartbreaking divorce I think it is safe to say I’m healing pretty well. Though, within an hour of sending my “crazy girl text” I deleted all his contact information from my phone just to play it safe.